There comes a time.......

......when it is necessary to reevaluate your situation. I have not had the time or drive to ride my bike much in the last couple of months for whatever reason. I don't think there is much left in the season for me to salvage, but I will ride through the suffering of being out of shape. For me its really not about winning or loosing any longer. I won tons of events as a swimmer over a 12 year period. As a soccer player my club team rarely lost. As a cyclist I learned how hard it is to win. It took me a long time to figure it out, but for me it is the battle that is most important. I love the struggle of a race. And, at every level of fitness. I love that feeling of collapse you get in your lungs right before the blood vessels begin to leak blood into your mouth. I welcome the crushing feeling of not getting any oxygen to your brain and the tunnel vision begins to close in on you. And, for a short period of time life plays a little game with itself. As you are physically propelled through space at incredible speeds, time seems to slow down. That dichotemy is simple and fascinating, but horribly antagonistic. That is fantastic. I won't lie. I would rather be in the other place. Where the suffering feels so good you can't stop. When you pound every inch of you body into the pedals as they sink below you, and nothing seems to stop you. I feel most alive when I am in that place. I hope I see the place again sometime soon. I love it.